How Can You Love Yourself Even More?
Self-love is not selfish. It is only when you love yourself that you're then able to overflow love outwards towards others.
When you love yourself, you're then able to manifest love in the external. Self-love is not only an essential ingredient on the spiritual path, for experiencing true loving connections with others and living with a sense of joy and fulfillment…
Self-love is also required to manifest love in the external!
Prior to meeting, my husband (and twin flame) Miles and I were both on a journey of self-love. We credit our own self-love as having allowed us to literally attract each other into our lives. By first loving ourselves and filling ourselves up with love, we experienced an outer manifestation of love in one another.
Join us in a conversation about self-love here in this video. Prefer to read? Keep scrolling down!
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Melanie: If you wouldn’t mind sharing Miles, what are some of the ways you first tuned into this state of self-love in your path?
Miles: The way our world and media works, there's so much that pushes us to look externally. We look for those things in the world that will make us happy. Marketing is designed to make us feel a lack in our life and then fulfillment will be from purchasing that product that they’re selling. That’s a slippery slope because it doesn't create any sort of fulfillment at all.
For me, self-love came out of a very low point in my life. I was depressed after moving out of the area I grew up in. I flew the nest if you will. I also had a series of very challenging relationships that were not fulfilling at all. I wasn’t enjoying my social world. I was living in the greater Los Angeles area, with 15 million people living around me and I felt lonelier than I had ever felt in my life.
Out of that, I started to ask deeper questions. “What is it all about? What's the meaning of this? Why?” It was from those questions that I started to look for resources and teachers on my path. There were some books that were handed to me, and eventually, I made the decision to stop dating and to stop looking outside of myself for fulfillment. I consciously made a decision, “You know what? This path has not led me to happiness by any means. I’m done with that and I’m going to let the pendulum swing to the other side and see what happens.”
I began reading and listening to audio books. Someone handed me the first version of ‘The Secret.’ Another book that really opened my mind was ‘The Road Less Traveled,’ by Scott M. Peck.” It was a book about the power of love and the concept that you can’t give what you don’t have. If you haven’t built up self-love, then you can never express love or get into a true love filled relationship.
That was my entrance point in the path.
Melanie: You really started tuning in. Taking care of yourself, meditating, reading, growing, essentially reinvesting in yourself.
Miles: I’m a kind of a self-help book or a personal development kind fiend I guess. It’s a habit that I have chosen. The first version of ‘The Secret’ featured Ester Hicks prominently. Hearing Abraham Hicks channel really felt good. I felt my vibration increase when I heard Abraham talking about the law of attraction.
I started following the people interviewed in that program and I started buying their reading their books and going deeper into the world of metaphysics. It opened up before me and I started playing with it.
Melanie: I think my path is definitely similar. I was also very depressed and lost. In this dark night of the soul that proceeds awakening for so many people, I realized that meditation was what felt good to me. I meditated a ton. This was a small thing that I could do that was just for me.
I’ve had an early tendency to try to be a people pleaser. I did the things that my family, teachers, and friends wanted me to do. I really made it commitment to tune into myself. The questions I started asking where, “What do I really want to do? What is my soul truth? Soul resonance? Soul voice?”
This is a hugely powerful part of self-love. Reconnecting with that authentic you. Society, the media, and maybe some of your relationships can steer you down a path that isn’t in alignment with that authenticity. Loving yourself doesn’t require materialism. You don’t need to buy yourself a lot of things to feel love. Beginning to take steps is as simple as listening to your internal voice and guidance. It’s reading the books, listening to the meditations, or giving yourself permission to be creative without judging what you're creating.
A huge part of self-love is monitoring your vibration. Are you in a positive state? If not, a way for you to love yourself more is to consciously shift. If you're doing something that doesn’t feel good to you, what could you replace that with? How can you shift your vibration by changing your action?
Miles: In Abraham Hicks’ book. “Ask and it is Given,” they talk about the scale of emotions. There’s a varying scale from fear on the darkest, lowest vibrational side all the way to love on the most positive. Somewhere in the middle is boredom – it’s not negative, but it’s not positive. It’s just there. Once I understood that concept, I started to pay attention to it. “How does this make me feel? What do I feel right now?”
I noticed that I was disconnected with nature. For years, I lived in big cities around lots of people, lots of concrete and my vibration just got really low. When I met Melanie, I started hiking again. When I did, it felt good. I would then observe, “Wow! On that emotional scale, this is one of the good things. I’ll go do more of that.”
It was interesting to learn that our emotions aren’t controlling us. They’re not actually a part of us. They are waves and vibrations that flow through us, but they’re more like a feedback mechanism. They’re trying to help us know, “This is yes! Do more of this! This feels good!” You’re in joy, you’re in love. “Do more of that.” Or “This feels terrible! This is fear. This is depressing negative vibrations. Go do something else.”
A lot of people dive into the negative vibrations and ask “Why do I feel this bad?” They try to resist. Therefore, it persists.
Melanie: I think that’s a beautiful clarification. If you’re in a negative state of emotion, that is a form of internal guidance. It’s sharing with you that you're out of alignment with your authenticity. But the thing is, you don't have to stay in that negative emotion. In my emotional clearing process video, I talk about a way to release negative emotions.
In addition, we've talked about the process of stepping back into the position of the observer. You're not only limited to moving from angry to boredom. You can shift back to observe through divine neutrality and not judge whatever state you're in. Realize what state you’re in and then tune into your internal guidance of how you can positively shift. I completely agree with Miles. Nature is such a powerful way to love yourself. If you're in a big city where you're not getting a lot of nature time, bring some into your home. Crystals, essential oils, or plants are great.
The simple act of putting a house plant by your bedside can help you to experience more peaceful and deep sleep. Sleep is one of the ways that I first started loving myself. When I was in that lower vibration, I was sleeping a lot. And so you know what? If you're tired, take a nap. If you’re tired, go to bed early. Now in our practice, a part of self-love is being clearheaded, clean, sober, and ingesting wisely. Food, information, and material all play a role in your overall vibration.
If you’re in a vibration you don't like or if you're having challenges loving yourself, pay close attention and observe your habits, patterns, and actions. How are you treating yourself with love and how are you not? Start letting go of the ways you’re not loving your body, mind, and spirit. This will help bring your entire being into alignment with love.
Miles: We released alcohol from our life recently. Sparkling lemon water is the positive alternative that we’ve replaced it with. We drink a fair amount of sparkling water and fresh lemons and it’s detoxifying. It gives us that little “pick me up.” If you want to leave the bar scene, if you’re letting that go, replace it with something.
What are you going to replace it with? Maybe evening walks? Maybe you hike to a vantage point and watch the sunset over town? I’m a huge fan of that positive alternative idea. What’s the positive alternative? I cut dating out of my life for about two years before I met Melanie and before I felt I knew myself enough to date again. For me, it was reading, personal development, and going through courses. I just consumed and consumed and consumed. That felt good, so I kept doing that.
Melanie: If you’re browsing your phone first thing in the morning and immediately tuning into lack or that dull Facebook timeline scrolling, you could let go of that and replace it with a morning meditation. Or maybe with a morning walk in nature or exercise.
Paying attention is powerful. Are you in a state of love, joy, bliss, and positivity? If so, beautiful! Keep doing what you're doing. But if not, pay attention to that. Don't try to numb yourself to the fact that you’re unhappy in areas of your life. Rather recognize that this is your own form of guidance calling for you to let go of some things and bring in new.
By things, I’m not talking about material things. There’s no more stuff that you need. It’s about habits, patterns, and choices. Consciously choosing to be in a positive state. I had an experience early on when I started going down this negative spiral. I realized that I had a choice to continue or to step back and shift.
This is when I started meditating. I realized it helped me feel better and that going down that spiral of negative thought made me feel worse.
Miles: I also came to know in my heart that we live in a loving universe. There is some sort of an energy out there that is attempting to help us all live our dream. Whatever that might mean. It’s the same energy that makes our fingernails grow. It’s the same energy that takes an acorn seed and turns into the giant mighty oak.
I wasn’t a believer for a long time. I doubted and I had a cold perception of the world. But when I started to open my mind and heart to a loving and co-conspiring universe that is helping us make this a more positive world, it was a big shift for me. I started to look for positive things. I asked, “How can I help and how can I change things?” It was a long path to figure that out, but it’s led an interesting way.
Melanie: Your beliefs are a huge key in what you’re creating in your life. If you’ve believed and feel that the world is out to get you, that’s going to be what you manifest. If you start to work on those beliefs through awareness and asking your Angels for help, you can shift your belief and point of attraction. You can embody a universe and life that are on your side. The universe is conspiring with you to bring joy, love, and positivity into your life.
Fill yourself with self-love and then overflow that out far beyond you. You have Angels with you at all times. If this is new for you, ask your Angels for help. Archangel Chamuel is an incredible Angel of love. Archangel Muriel and Archangel Michael can help you to cut the cords of attachment, fear, and density so that you can find that inner spark of love within. Any of the Archangels, Guardian Angels, Jesus, or whoever you feel comfortable calling upon can help.
Call in support from spirit to assist you in loving yourself even more. A good question you can ask: “How can I love myself more today?” Ask and tune into your heart. Let your heart light glow and that answer will appear. Pay attention to what guidance you receive and take action on that. It’s important to tune into Angelic guidance and intuition. If you get the answer, take action. Love yourself and know that self-love will not only bring benefits into your life, it will help to change your external point of attraction, drawing more positive blessings to you.
Miles: It’s an upward spiral.
Melanie: It really is. We are lifting into the light. We are raising the vibration of earth and humanity. We thank you so much for your role in that. For your light, your love, and for being authentically you. Thank you!